Circles

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I didn’t feel the urge to write when I was with you. 

I figured out, 

A long time ago. 

That I would probably stop writing,

When I was truly happy. 
I write about sadness,

Tragedy, 

Betrayal, 

And the overall depression that life can bring. 

But you changed me. 
You made me smile with a touch, 

Giggle with a single word,

& fill me with joy with music. 

You really were one for the books. 
But what you’ve done is almost unforgivable. 

But god knows I’ll eventually forgive you. 

Just because of who I am as a person. 

I’m a lover. 

But you’re a fighter. 

And we’re just running in circles. 

Swimming pool

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I have so much love in me. 

So much that I will give it to anyone. 

But sometimes they drown. 

And get out of the pool of emotions. 

Dry off,

And walk away. 

I’m just a swimming pool, 

To be used when felt lonely. 

So they can be submerged,

In warmth & love. 

Until it gets to hot. 

Favorite person 

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You are my favorite person. 

You make me want to live fully. 

You make my smile stretch wider,

Everyday. 

When you stay over, 

You are my favorite part of waking up. 

Your scent puts me in a trance, 

While making me feel safer than ever. 

When you kiss me goodnight, 

It’s all I can think about, 

Until I crawl into bed. 

You’re a piece I never knew was missing. 
I always said, 

I would probably stop writing when I was truly happy. 

And it’s been awhile, 

Since I’ve put thoughts to paper. 

But you make me so happy. 

I don’t want to waste anytime writing about it. 

I just wanna live it. 

I just want you to be my two arms & heartbeat,

I call home. 

She’s ignoring me 

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She’s ignoring me. But I’m a very persistent person. 

I will break down this wall, 

She has built. 

Until my knuckles bleed. 
I am not weak, 

Or desperate for coming back. 

She left me. 

When I needed her most. 

She left me. 

We promised each other, 

We were in it for the long run. 

Some people are worth fighting for. 

I found a diamond in the rough. 

An angel hidden as a person. 
She’s ignoring me because we lost a year. 

A year of back scratches. 

A year of midnight heart to hearts. 

A year of laughing till we cry. 

A year of memories to last life times. 

A year of smoking til we can’t breathe. 

A year of time we will never see again. 

But we can move forward. 

I love this girl, 

Is if she was my sister. 
But she’s not, 

And she’s ignoring me. 

And my knuckles are starting to bruise. 

You’re starting to stay

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You’re starting to stay. You used to come to parties, 

And leave early. 

You used to sleep over, 

But when our friends stayed too, 

You’d be in another room.  
But you fell asleep in my room. 

And when the party ended, 

I asked you to move over, 

& you did. 

No hesitation.  
The first ride out the next morning. 

Your best friend. 

You got your stuff out of his car, 

And returned to bed. 
When I got scared last night at the movies. 

You asked me if I was okay. 

And did every time I jumped. 
You’re starting to stay. 

And I’m starting to fall. 

Heat lightning 

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Tonight was the epitome of a summer night. 

We sat in a circle, 

Tossing wood in the middle, 

Making the flame grow stronger. 

Telling stories of our younger days. 

Laughing till we cry. 

Feeling nostalgia in wounds we thought had closed. 
We said good night, 

And promised more memories tomorrow. 

I went my separate way to a small beach. 

I saw some light in the distance, 

But I ignored it & kept driving. 

When I arrived, 

I opened my sunroof to stargaze. 

Instead was met by seconds of bright light through my windshield. 

Heat lightning. 
Sitting here thinking of the night, 

And the nights to come.   

My blood races, 

At the thought of future possible evenings. 

Just like this one. 

Maybe this is the summer, 

Our dreams come true. 

Maybe these are the months,

People will listen about in awe,

Wishing they were by our side. 

Fireworks 

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Don’t kiss me, 

During the pops of the fireworks. 

When the finale is over. 

Turn me around, 

Grab my face, 

& make a scene. 

Kiss me after the noise. 

During the silence, 

after the chaos. 

Make everyone, 

Stop in there tracks, 

To admire the young love. 

Let’s remind them, 

Of passion. 

Force them to reminisce, 

There youth,

& quick thinking. 

Let’s give them a show. 

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When I was 15,

I sat in a circle with my girlfriends. 

They talked about the boys swooning over them. 

And the ones they had there eyes on. 

I sat in silence. 

I was the least desirable in the group. 

I was the “Can I get your friends number?” Girl. 

While talking about boys. 

I mentioned wanting a boyfriend more than ever. 

There answers were all the same. 

“No you don’t” 

Reasoning? 

“Because nothing hurts more than heart break.”

I fought back,

“What about the good times? And memories?”

But there response stayed the same. 

I sit in my car, 

At an empty beach, 

Nearly 5 years later. 

With the scars of a broken heart. 

But no good times. 

Not one boyfriend, 

But 7 Exs. 

Never been on a date. 

Never been given roses. 

Never been told I’m beautiful. 

I don’t know how the times changed so drastically. 

Sex is a given; 

But you’re lucky if they want all of you.  

To be “wifed up” is a privilege, 

But they expect to be let in your pants anyway. 

Games are played with emotions, 

Instead of boards & dice. 

I am reliable. 

I am loving. 

I am loyal. 

But I am used more than anything. 

I am thirsting for love and affection. 

They tell me they like me. 

They tell me they care. 

Until I put my shirt back on, 

And they there pants. 

Then it goes back to normal. 

When I call & text. 

I am called clingy. 

But if I don’t respond to them, 

I’m a Bitch. 

No one wants the responsibility. 

But they don’t see the perks. 

Someone to hold you down, 

And push them to be a better person. 

They think it’s too complicated. 

But what’s complicated about caring about someone other than yourself. 

The excuse I always get is,

“I don’t want to hurt you. ” 

But what boggles my mind is. 

How? 

Are you going to cheat on me?

Do you seriously not have that much self control. 

Are you going to lie to me? 

Can you really not be honest wit me.

How do you not want to hurt me? 

Because let me tell you something kid. 

You are already there. 

I’ve been missing you 

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I haven’t seen u in a week or two. I didn’t think I’d miss you this much. 

We try to talk all the time. 

You make the effort. 

And I miss you. 
I miss you in my front seat. 

I miss ordering your drinks. 

I miss laughing until I cry. 

Then you laughing at me cause I cried.  

I miss driving aimlessly. 

Because you didn’t want to go home, 

And when I was with you, 

Neither did I. 
I miss that night. 

Sitting in my car, 

At the beach. 

Stars so bright, 

You’d think they were painted on a ceiling. 

I had Christmas music on. 

It had snowed earlier. 

I was in awe at the scenery. 

It was the first night you kissed me. 

And god I never thought I’d want more.  
You took my breathe away. 

You put your hand on my face,

Caressing it so lightly, 

But holding on for dear life. 
Every kiss after that, 

Knocked the wind out of me a little more. 

When I think of you, 

I get those damn butterflies. 

Did you know you turned my little moths,

Into beautiful butterflies that flap their wings at your name?

Because you did. 
You’ve made me into a person I didn’t think I could become again. 

Generally, 

And undoubtedly happy. 

So I miss you. 

And I hope to see you soon. 

Goodnight love. 

But here you are. 

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I wasn’t looking for you. 

When I looked at a crowd, 

You weren’t in front of me to find. 

You’ve been next to me this whole time. 

A best friend. 

A guy that I could call at any time. 

But isn’t that how it always goes. 

The one for you is right in front of you. 

But are you? 

The one for me. 
The start of this seems all too familiar. 

Just like the one before you. 

The deja vu is kicking in. 

You want me. 

In the way the guy before did. 

My body, 

My love, 

My affection. 

But with no strings. 
But I can’t do that anymore. 

You were with me, 

At 4 am, 

While I would wait for his call.  

You saw me cry over him.  

You heard me say, 

A hundred times, 

How what he was doing to me. 

Was ruining all my chances for love.  
And here you are, 

Doing the exact same thing. 

You say you don’t want a relationship. 

& I understand that. 

But you don’t even have the balls. 

To claim me as you’re girl, 

If asked. 
What is so wrong with me. 

That no one feels proud, 

To have me on there arm. 
I know titles are stupid & unnecessary. 

But I have abandonment issues. 

I need the insurance. 

That I am not going to get, 

A call or a text. 

That you have found someone better. 

Because I have no right to get upset if you do.  

Because you weren’t my boyfriend. 

Just another friend using me for sex. 
But you should know. 

If that day comes. 

You would have ruined a good girl. 

You would have broken her a little more. 

You would have contributed to her troubled past. 

You will be just another guy I blame for my issues. 

But most of all you have lost, 

One of the only girls, 

That was willing to carry the work on her shoulders. 

For a boy. 

Who used her just the same. 

As everyone else.