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The time has come. For my inappropriate smoke break. 

It’s 3 am. 


As I pace the deck reading about boys who will tell you they want you. 

And then leave. 

Oh how relevant that all is. 
Ya know I was driving the other day. 

With one of my best guy friends. 

Asking him where I went wrong. 

What I did to loose all of them. 

He compared it to a break up. 

Ya know? 

Ya first become friends. 

Get to know each other. 

The quirks and secrets. 

And then you spend all your time together. 

Like you can’t live without them.

But that’s what friends do. 

And then he said it. 

“But then they leave and you’re left heart broken” 

My response? 

“Yeah but in that case only one person is breaking your heart. 

In mine, it’s 5 people” 

When the realization hit me I felt that familiar ache. 

Whether it was longing or heart break. 

It was way to familiar. 
I spent the last 3 years with these boys. 

And they dropped me like a match,

That started burning their finger tips. 

Was my love too strong? 

Was I asking for too much? 

These things I will just never know. 

But I do know, 

That I loved them with my whole being. 

But that’s what you do when people save you. 

You just wanna give them the world. 

But they weren’t prepared for all that pressure. 

So they left me in the dust. 

To rot. 

And write about the heartbreak. 
They knew I would one day be okay. 

Because that’s what writers do. 

Use every negative as inspiration. 

Even if it is secretly killing them. 

They will make it sound beautiful to the bystanders.