So I’m nineteen years old.
I get told often that I am an old sold.
Maybe it’s because I still believe in romance.
And not one night stands.
Maybe it’s because my idols are Amy winehouse & Billy Joel.
Or because I understand that humans are flawed,
And patience is key to everything.
But mainly because I’m ready to settle down.
And start living my life.
Yes I am only a kid but I’ve lived through so much sadness and tragedy.
That I am ready to be happy and move forward.
I am ready to find the one and get married.
I am ready to become the famous poet I know I will become,
And take care of my mom so she doesn’t have to worry anymore.
I am ready for the challenges of life.
I am ready.
My body has withered nineteen summers,
And thrived through nineteen winters.
Soon my “teenage” years will be over.
And I’ll officially be an adult.
Of course the reckless nights were fun.
But I am ready to settle down and just be in love.
And go on adventures with the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.
I want to go to bed knowing Ill be awake soon in his dreams.
I want to wake up knowing he’s wondering when he will see me.
I want to go on drives and talk about the rest of our lives.
And be confident that he won’t hurt me.
But now a days people my age are kids.
Playing a different kind of game.
A game that involves feelings instead of legos.
You never know what anyone’s true intentions are.
And that scares me.
How will I be successfully able to live my life without fear.
That one day that boy will look at me and just see a girl,
And not his future.
Kids my age don’t know that love is a choice.
They think that those butterflies will be there forever.
But butterflies die and love is a choice.
You have to choose to fight for the one you love.
Or everything you once knew will die out.
But the love of my life will have it easy.
I am a writer.
I create characters all the time.
I know that humans are flawed creatures.
And that lies are inevitable.
But I always find it in me to forgive who is worthy.
And he will always be worthy.
He will have books and books proving I notice him.
He won’t be able to see how beautiful I think he is,
Until he reads how the sunrise that morning,
Reminded me of his eyes in the light.
Or how the smoke of the cigarette I had after lunch,
Reminded me of how we danced in my kitchen at 3am.
And god forbid we break up.
I feel terrible.
Because he will have infinite songs he can’t listen too.
And places he can’t go to.
Because they remind him of me.
But I will have the cruel inspiration of heartbreak.
I will have all those beautiful verses about him.
But he will soon read about how I noticed how when he lied he scratched his ear.
And how his kisses started to taste like deceit.
He will realize that I noticed everything.
Because he was once my world.
But that’s a long time away.
Because once I find him.
It is going to take a lot of fight.
For me to give up on someone.
Who will make every fantasy of mine come true.
And if he’s out there.
I hope he’s dreaming about a girl like me.
Because he walks through my dreams every night.