Monthly Archives: October 2016

Worth the wait? 

29 Saturday Oct 2016

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I am no place holder. 

I’m not here until you find someone better. 

I am the someone better. 

You know what I do for the people around me. 

But your ego could feed the children in Africa. 

And that’s not someone I want. 
I want a boy who would rather not be friends, 

Than live life without me. 

I want a boy who’s 110% down for me. 

Who tries too hard to just hang out. 

Not one that makes up excuses to not chill. 

I’m not running around for someone, 

Who just wants to Fuck. 
I’m sorry kid but I am worth so much more, 

Than the ways I’ve been treated. 

You keep saying you like me, 

But is this what you wish for the girls you like. 

Heart broken,

Drunk, 

And crying?

Is this some sort of signature?
I loved you. 

You fulfilled every thought of mine sine the day this started. 

You made me feel whole. 

I would have given you the world. 

Anything you could have wanted. 

Boom. 

Done. 

That’s how much I loved you. 
You would have had a best friend, 

And a lover. 

And nothing would have been able to break us. 

We would have been unstoppable. 
But you don’t see what’s right in front of you. 

And that’s ok. 

So you go. 

You go and move. 

Then let me know who you miss everyday. 

Who you miss taking too. 

Who you miss making you laugh. 

Who you miss being around in general. 

Then, 

Love, 

Will you realize who really loved you. 

Who actually cared if you went to bed happy or not. 
Because when you realize. 

You will come crawling back. 

They always do. 

And when you do. 

Will I still love you? 

Will I still be willing to sacrifice everything, 

Just for you? 
I guess you will just need to wait. 

To see if I loved you enough, 

To wait, 

For a boy who isn’t even worth waiting for. 

Deja vu or nostalgia

29 Saturday Oct 2016

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This feeling. 

I don’t know what it is. 

This nostalgia running through my body. 

The beat pulsing around me. 

I have been in this moment before. 

I just know it. 

Every flashback of us, 

Is playing in front of me. 

You are a never ending movie. 

All the moments we spent together. 

I thought I lost them. 

I thought I lost that part of me. 

But here they are. 

Bringing me back to the glory days. 

Of running around like fools. 

And acting like life would never end. 

You are a non erase able chapter. 

But I hope you become the book. 

Because the reason I’m in this feeling right now. 

Is because I’ve been in it before. 

Right here with you. 

A girl like me 

29 Saturday Oct 2016

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He’s going to move away.

And that’s when he says,

He will start his life.

In a new state.

And at a new school.

Leaving everything here behind.

Left unfinished.
He says he’s waiting to date.

So maybe when he moves.

He’ll find a girl,

That will be there for him at any time.

A girl that can give him anything he ever needs.

A girl that will make him feel unconditionally loved;

Every moment,

Of every day.

A girl that knows to scratch his head and back,

When he’s not feeling well.

A girl that is always around when he is upset.

A girl that makes him smile all the time.

Because his smile could light up villages.

A girl that under stands he just needs his space,

That he’s not mad at her.

A girl that understands what he has been through.

And will make him feel safe,

When he is questioning everything.

A girl that knows he’s been hurt before,

And is just scared.

That will comfort him in knowing she is his.

A girl that will help him with his homework,

Because he’s not good at English.

A girl that loves winter,

Because it’s his favorite season.

And one that loves Christmas,

Because it’s his favorite holiday.

A girl that’s willing to learns the small things about him.

As well as the big scary ones.

A girl that can show him how beautiful the world really is.
A girl like me.

Beneficial best friends

19 Wednesday Oct 2016

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That hug at the end. 

That’s what I’m worried about.
You say you can’t do this.
But this is exactly what you wanted.
Casual.
No problems.
No tension.
And still best friends.
And I’m doing that.
But you say it makes it hard.
But what’s so hard.

This is every guys dream.
To be with someone,
That’s ride or die for them.
With the perks of being single.
The only reason.
This would be hard.
Is if you lied.
And you had feelings for me.
And every time we hang out.
It makes it harder to not be with me.
But you said that’s not the reason.

So please love.
For gods sake.
Drop the games.
And bear your soul.
Tell me exactly what you want.

You’re one of my best friends.
And that’s never going to change.
So just be honest.
So we can move forward.
Cause all I wanna do is be by your side.
Even just as a friend.
I’m ok with that.
Because I love you.
And I’ll always love you.
You will always be my best friend.

I love her (christmas edition)

09 Sunday Oct 2016

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I look at her as i pull in to buy our tickets.

There is this annual light show at a beach near us.

And her love for christmas could illuminate any room.

So I thought it was only right.

She sat there with hot coffee in hand.

And stared in awe.

These are the reasons I love her.

I love her when she cant speak,

Because the beauty around her over powers her thoughts.

I love her when she jerks a bit,

Because her coffee is too hot.

I love her because she knows every lyric,

To almost all the christmas music.

I love the excitement in her smile,

While doing something as mundane,

As driving through a beach full of lights.

I love her because of her passion for the little things.

I love her when she articulately describes her surroundings.

I love the way she can make anything beautiful.

But most of all,

I love her,

Because she brings out the beautiful in everyone.

 

I have lost them. 

09 Sunday Oct 2016

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I have lost them. 

But can you really loose someone you never really had? 

My boys. 

The guys I talked so fondly of. 

They are all gone. 

You’re probably wondering, 

Well what did you do?

But that’s the thing. 

All I did was leave. 

I moved because I didn’t have a choice. 

But I came back. 

Because I can’t live without them. 

They were my world. 

They were my people. 

But me leaving was all it took for them to forget. 

Forget about the memories. 

And the plans for the future. 
Now I’m lost.

I put my life into people who just needed certain things. 

Whether it was somewhere to smoke,

Or drink.

Somewhere to go when there was no where else. 

A person who they knew would be there for them.

But you are probably wondering,

But thats friendship.

But love. 

Its only friendship if its two sided. 

And I was the only one willing to sacrifice. 
I sacrificed three years of my life.

To people who took parts of me, 

And crushed them right infant of my eyes. 

I let them destroy me. 

And that is my own fault. 

I thought I could change. 

A Bully. 

Druggies.

A liar. 

I searched for the good in them. 

And they showed me only what I wanted to see. 

And I was stupid enough to fall for it. 

Predictable. 

03 Monday Oct 2016

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I’m in my normal spot.

Sitting in my car.

Listening to the same playlist.

Sometimes I am very predictable.

You can almost always guess,

Where I am,

And what I’m doing.
So I was surprised.

When I went home one night.

And was baffled.

Taking the same route.

Listening to the same song.

Suddenly it wasn’t just a song.

But it described you to me.

In the most beautiful melody.

I felt as if you were in the car with me.

Telling me everything I wanted to hear.
But when I texted you once I arrived home.

Poof.

You were you again.

Not the guy who treated me so kindly,

And acted like he would do anything to have me.

I don’t know what it is.

You’re my dream.

But also my nightmare.

You hold the power to make me so happy.

But with that comes the potential to break me.
My life filled with order and schedules.

Has broken to me checking my phone,

Every minute,

To see if you’ve thought about me yet.

It’s strange though.

Every time I text you.

Whenever I check to see if you’ve responded.

In that second you do.

It’s like you know.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence.

But love I feel like there are too many coincidences.

I think there is s bigger force pushing us together.

I’m just asking.
No.

begging.

Please don’t fight it.

We were meant to be.

Let it happen.

Let me love you.

Be happy.

Accept the love you deserve.

Because honey you deserve the world.

And I have it on my shoulders.

Ready to show you what magic really is.