Today I wore red lacy underwear.
I did particularly wear it for you.
But I also sported my cutest pair,
For the pure knowledge of knowing under all my apparel.
I had on red lacy underwear.
Under all my garments,
I was also completely naked.
You were the only one I let see my true form.
Of course there were others before you.
But I always sucked in my stomach.
Or laid a certain way.
Hiding parts of myself I didn’t really care for.
You touched my skin.
And gave me back some excitement.
My skin before you,
& withered with insecurity.
Skin that had survived.
Twenty torturous winters.
And nineteen traumatizing summers.
I thought you were different.
But isn’t that always the case.
The quiet boy,
Whose always been in your life,
Could never hurt you like the rest did.
You broke the stereotype.
Are you happy?
You added to the carnage.
Now all the pretty words I said to you,
Over and over again,
They haunt me.
My words could have filled hundreds of journals.
But tonight they are droplets of water.
And I can’t breathe.
I’m drowning in our conversations.
And pretty poems.
About a boy who lied about liking me.
And my pleas for him to see what was right in front of him.
I’ll try to catch my breath tomorrow.
But for tonight.
I’ll asphyxiate on what could have been.