When I was 15,
I sat in a circle with my girlfriends.
They talked about the boys swooning over them.
And the ones they had there eyes on.
I sat in silence.
I was the least desirable in the group.
I was the “Can I get your friends number?” Girl.
While talking about boys.
I mentioned wanting a boyfriend more than ever.
There answers were all the same.
“No you don’t”
“Because nothing hurts more than heart break.”
I fought back,
“What about the good times? And memories?”
But there response stayed the same.
I sit in my car,
At an empty beach,
Nearly 5 years later.
With the scars of a broken heart.
But no good times.
Not one boyfriend,
But 7 Exs.
Never been on a date.
Never been given roses.
Never been told I’m beautiful.
I don’t know how the times changed so drastically.
Sex is a given;
But you’re lucky if they want all of you.
To be “wifed up” is a privilege,
But they expect to be let in your pants anyway.
Games are played with emotions,
Instead of boards & dice.
I am reliable.
I am loving.
I am loyal.
But I am used more than anything.
I am thirsting for love and affection.
They tell me they like me.
They tell me they care.
Until I put my shirt back on,
And they there pants.
Then it goes back to normal.
When I call & text.
I am called clingy.
But if I don’t respond to them,
I’m a Bitch.
No one wants the responsibility.
But they don’t see the perks.
Someone to hold you down,
And push them to be a better person.
They think it’s too complicated.
But what’s complicated about caring about someone other than yourself.
The excuse I always get is,
“I don’t want to hurt you. ”
But what boggles my mind is.
Are you going to cheat on me?
Do you seriously not have that much self control.
Are you going to lie to me?
Can you really not be honest wit me.
How do you not want to hurt me?
Because let me tell you something kid.
You are already there.