I wasn’t looking for you.
When I looked at a crowd,
You weren’t in front of me to find.
You’ve been next to me this whole time.
A best friend.
A guy that I could call at any time.
But isn’t that how it always goes.
The one for you is right in front of you.
But are you?
The one for me.
The start of this seems all too familiar.
Just like the one before you.
The deja vu is kicking in.
You want me.
In the way the guy before did.
But with no strings.
But I can’t do that anymore.
You were with me,
At 4 am,
While I would wait for his call.
You saw me cry over him.
You heard me say,
A hundred times,
How what he was doing to me.
Was ruining all my chances for love.
And here you are,
Doing the exact same thing.
You say you don’t want a relationship.
& I understand that.
But you don’t even have the balls.
To claim me as you’re girl,
What is so wrong with me.
That no one feels proud,
To have me on there arm.
I know titles are stupid & unnecessary.
But I have abandonment issues.
I need the insurance.
That I am not going to get,
A call or a text.
That you have found someone better.
Because I have no right to get upset if you do.
Because you weren’t my boyfriend.
Just another friend using me for sex.
But you should know.
If that day comes.
You would have ruined a good girl.
You would have broken her a little more.
You would have contributed to her troubled past.
You will be just another guy I blame for my issues.
But most of all you have lost,
One of the only girls,
That was willing to carry the work on her shoulders.
For a boy.
Who used her just the same.
As everyone else.